What Fools These Mortals Be
by Arscapi
Summary: Shakespeare meets Voyager
1. Default Chapter

Title: What Fools These Mortals Be.  
  
Author: Arscapi  
  
Spoilers: Nothing really, except maybe "The Q and the Gray"  
  
Disclaimers: The characters belong to Paramount. If they belonged to me, I'd be a millionaire and wouldn't have to bother with disclaimers. The original idea was Shakespeare's, I hope he wouldn't mind too much that I borrowed it. I made no money with this, and since I have no money to speak of, suing me would be a lost cause.  
  
Author's notes: Thanks to my beta readers Theresa and Jayce for their help in pulling this all together, and to Jayce, thanks for the title.  
  
  
  
Stifling a yawn, Lieutenant Tom Paris did his best to sneak into rehearsal. He was late but this time it wasn't his fault. Since Lieutenant Lake had been injured, he'd been pulling double shifts on the Bridge. He didn't know how he'd let Harry talk him in to trying out for this play, the Doctor's latest creative endeavor.  
  
B'Elanna Torres smiled as she walked up with Harry Kim. "Don't worry, you didn't miss much. The Doctor's trying to explain to Neelix what his character is supposed to do."  
  
Tom rolled his eyes. "Again?" he asked, frustration obvious in his voice. The last two nights he'd missed sleep just to listen to Neelix and the Doctor argue over Neelix's role in the play.  
  
"You know, you really look terrible," Harry told him, eyeing him critically.  
  
"Thanks, Harry. I wasn't really aware," Tom said with a sarcastic grin.  
  
"No, seriously. Why don't you go lie down for a while? I don't think we're going to be on in the near future." Harry jerked his head towards Neelix and the Doctor. Captain Janeway and Chakotay had joined them and were doing their best to soothe the ruffled feelings.  
  
"That's a great idea Harry," B'Elanna said, steering Tom towards one of the set's benches. "We'll wake you when Neelix finds his motivation."  
  
Too tired to argue about it, Tom let himself be pushed. "Maybe for a couple of minutes," he said, lying down.  
  
"Good night, Tom," B'Elanna said as she and Harry walked back towards the motivation debate. Tom watched them go and, after a few moments, fell asleep.  
  
Tom woke up and glanced around the now empty and inactive Holodeck. "Great! They just left me here," he said, his voice echoing off the walls. Stretching, he grabbed his uniform jacket and walked outside. The halls were nearly empty and Tom briefly wondered what time it was. He made his way back to his quarters, changed, then headed towards the mess hall to grab something to eat. Luckily, he was off duty today so he had no shift to be late for.  
  
When he got to the mess hall, he grabbed a tray and a bowl of chicken noodle soup, or at least what Neelix tried to pass off as chicken noodle soup.  
  
"Hey," he said with a grin as B'Elanna walked up to him. "I thought you were on duty."  
  
"I am in about 15 minutes, but I really needed to talk to you," B'Elanna said in a low voice. She glanced over her shoulder before continuing. "I came up with a way out. Meet me here at 2300 hours and we can escape in a shuttlecraft. I can't believe that the Doctor supported that...that... toDSaH's claim over mine," she clenched her fist, trying to stay calm.  
  
Tom looked confused at B'Elanna's statement. "What claim? Why would we leave? B'Elanna, what are you talking about?"  
  
"What do you mean, why are we leaving? Do you really want to marry Jenny Delaney?" B'Elanna asked, shocked at Tom's reaction.  
  
"Marry? Who said anything about marrying Jenny? I'm not going to marry Jenny!" Tom said, more confused than when he'd started.  
  
B'Elanna shook her head in disgust. "Did you get enough sleep last night? You know the Captain decided that everyone should get married, that they should do their best to get on with their lives. Although why she decided to let the Doctor decide compatibility, I'll never know." She paused and looked around again before continuing. "I really have go now or I'll be late and they'll suspect that something's up. Just promise me you'll meet me here."  
  
Tom promised, knowing that whatever had B'Elanna so upset was worth missing another night of sleep. Besides, he was thoroughly confused and he hoped if they had time to discuss this by themselves that he'd get some answers. With a quick kiss, B'Elanna headed out to Engineering.  
  
"Jenny wouldn't be too happy if she'd seen that," Harry warned as he sat down next to Tom.  
  
"Probably, and she'd like it even less if she knew that I'm going to meet B'Elanna here tonight," Tom answered as he played with his soup.  
  
"Should you do that? I mean, if Jenny or the Captain finds out..." Harry looked at his own food before glancing back at Tom. "Besides, why are you meeting her?"  
  
"I'm not quite sure. She said something about leaving the ship," Tom answered honestly.  
  
Harry looked shocked. "Leaving?! Really? You're that against the Doctor's decision."  
  
"Of course I am! Especially since it means I have to spend the rest of my life with Jenny instead of B'Elanna. So if it means leaving Voyager, then I guess that's what we'll do," Tom replied as he stood up and set his half-empty bowl in the recycler. "I'm gonna go work on the Mustang, care to join me?"  
  
"I'd love to, but I promised Ensign Fox I'd help her interpret the latest sensor readings," Harry said.  
  
Tom shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said and waved goodbye to his friend.  
  
Harry finished eating and went to find Ensign Fox. He didn't notice Ensign Vorik quietly leave the mess hall a few seconds after Tom. 


	2. 2300 hours

For Disclaimers and other stuff see chapter one. For more plot see below (  
  
2300 hours  
  
"Harry, get out of my way. I'm going to miss them," Jenny Delaney snapped as she hurried towards the turbolift.  
  
"Miss who?" Harry asked innocently, hoping to stall her long enough for Tom and B'Elanna to get out of the mess hall.  
  
"Tom and B'Elanna. They're going to trying and leave the ship," Jenny answered.  
  
"Tom and B'Elanna?" Harry echoed, trying to see into the mess hall.  
  
"Yes, Vorik overheard them in the mess hall this morning, making plans," Jenny explained.  
  
"Plans?" Harry asked, struggling to keep his voice level.  
  
"Yes. Plans." Jenny stopped short and whirled around to face Harry. "Look, I didn't ask you to follow me. Now either shut up or go away, you're slowing me down with all these questions!"  
  
Harry's hurt expression was hidden when the whole deck suddenly went dark.  
  
"Now what?!" Jenny Delaney exclaimed in frustration.  
  
"What happened?" Tom called from behind B'Elanna in the Jeffries tube.  
  
"I don't know. The sensor glitch I programmed shouldn't have done this," B'Elanna said as she blindly felt around for the door release.  
  
"Well, now what?" Tom asked shifting in the tube.  
  
"We keep going," B'Elanna said in a determined voice.  
  
They wandered through a few more tubes and finally came to a junction. B'Elanna sighed. "I have no idea which junction this is."  
  
Tom laughed. "Well, I guess we can stay here for the night. Nobody'll find us in here anyway."  
  
They lay down in the junction, one next to each door.  
  
  
  
"What fools these humans are," Q said from his perch on top of Voyager.  
  
"Shouldn't we help them, Father?" q asked from beside him.  
  
"Exactly what I was thinking son. For your first lesson, I want you to bring that couple together. That way, they'll leave the other ones in peace, and I won't lose two of my favorite people to torment," Q said, grinning at his son. He paused as if listening to something, the grin on his face fading. "Be back in a flash son. Your mother's calling."  
  
"Of course," q replied distractedly, figuring that casting a love spell should be easy. He transported himself to the sleeping couple in the Jeffries tube junction. It was the pair that his father had been watching, so it must have been the ones that needed help. He knelt down next to the female and whispered, "May the first person you see be the one that you love." With a wave of his hand, he put his words into action, and returned to wait for his father and to watch the scene unfold.  
  
  
  
"Do you really think they took the Jeffries tube?" Harry called back to Jenny.  
  
"If I were trying to escape, this is the way I would go. They're usually deserted," Jenny answered.  
  
Harry didn't answer since his attention was focused on trying to navigate the Jeffries tubes without causing bodily harm. He came upon a set of open doors to a junction. He'd started to climb down but stopped when he realized B'Elanna was right under him. He had just managed to stop himself when Jenny ran into him from above. Harry, knocked off balance, made an almost successful attempt to miss B'Elanna. He landed hard on her legs.  
  
B'Elanna awoke with a start and anger flashed in her eyes. Her expression almost immediately changed and Harry wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one.  
  
"Harry, sweetheart, you found me," B'Elanna sighed softly as she smiled at him.  
  
*Definitely a bad sign,* Harry thought. He was trying to decide how to deal with this unexpected turn when B'Elanna suddenly kissed him.  
  
  
  
Tom awoke at the sound of the crash and glanced over to make sure B'Elanna was all right, only to find her locked in a passionate embrace with his best friend. He couldn't say anything for a minute. "What's going on here," he demanded when he finally found his voice again.  
  
Harry, who had finally managed to push B'Elanna away, answered, "Tom! I don't know what happened. We were looking for you and Jenny hit me from behind and... and..."  
  
"It's none of your business what we're doing, Tom," B'Elanna said, standing and pulling Harry up with her.  
  
"What's going on here?" Jenny asked from the tube above the junction.  
  
Tom narrowed his eyes as he glared at Harry. "That's what I'm trying to find out," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
"It's simple. Harry managed to find me, despite your attempts to get me to leave with you," B'Elanna replied, smiling adoringly at Harry.  
  
"I knew it! I knew you were trying to leave the ship," Jenny announced triumphantly.  
  
"Shut up, Jenny!" Tom and Harry shouted in unison.  
  
Jenny instantly closed her mouth, surprised at the reaction of the two men. Harry was glad for the small break in the conversation. It finally gave him a chance to think. But he couldn't think with Tom looking at him that way. Deciding the best course of action was a tactical retreat, he headed for one of the doors.  
  
B'Elanna noticed him leave and cried, "Harry don't go." Harry ignored her plea and continued down the Jeffries tube. But B'Elanna was determined not to let him go, so she followed him.  
  
"B'Elanna wait," Tom called after her. Before he could move to go after them, Jenny hopped down and grabbed his arm.  
  
"Let them go," she said softly. "She's obviously made her choice."  
  
"No, he can't be her choice," Tom said, pulling out of her grip and following them down the tube.  
  
  
  
"What did you do?" Q asked as he flashed back into view. Amazed, he watched Jenny debate over whether or not to follow them into the tube.  
  
"Just what you said, Father. I found the couple in the Jeffries tube," q answered.  
  
"The wrong couple. Those two were already in love," Q said, feeling quite irritated.  
  
"How was I supposed to know there would be more than one couple in the Jeffries tube? All humans look the same to me," q answered with a pout.  
  
"Go find Harry and bring him back here. I'll take care of Jenny," Q commanded.  
  
"Yes, father," q answered softly.  
  
  
  
Q found Jenny asleep. Apparently all that thinking had worn her out. Just as he finished his task, his son popped back into the room.  
  
"They're coming father," q reported.  
  
Almost before the words were out of his mouth, the trio appeared. With a little help from Q, Jenny woke up just as Harry came in.  
  
"Beloved," Jenny cried.  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. "What is this? Some sick kind of joke you've all decided to play on me? What did I ever do to you?"  
  
"The only joke here is her love," Jenny said pointing to B'Elanna.  
  
"Liar, I've always loved him. It's your love that's false," B'Elanna shouted back.  
  
"So you were just using Tom," Jenny shot back.  
  
"Of course, you always knew that, right Tom?" B'Elanna said turning to face him.  
  
  
  
"Tom...Tom?" B'Elanna called, gently shaking Tom.  
  
"What... what?!" Tom said, waking up with a start.  
  
"Wake up. We're in the next scene," B'Elanna said, smiling down at him.  
  
He looked up at B'Elanna and grabbed her arm. "You still love me, right? You're not going to run off with Harry and leave me with Jenny, right?"  
  
B'Elanna reached down and felt his forehead. "Are you feeling all right? I think you need more sleep. Come on, I'll take to your quarters. Harry will cover for us."  
  
Tom didn't say anything. Happily he let B'Elanna take him back to quarters. When they got there, she steered him towards the bedroom. "Now get some sleep, and don't worry about the Doctor. We'll cover for you."  
  
"I love you," Tom said, kissing her.  
  
B'Elanna smiled knowingly and said, "Good night, Tom."  
  
Tom curled up in bed, knowing that all was right with the world. Just before he drifted off to sleep, he could have sworn he heard voices coming from the living room.  
  
  
  
"You're right, father. These humans really are fun to play with," q said as he looked around Tom's living room.  
  
"Of course, but these are the boring ones. If you really want to have some fun, I have some friends on another starship in the Alpha Quadrant," Q said, smiling down at his son.  
  
"I'd love to see them, Father," q said, excited. With that, they both disappeared with a flash of light.  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
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